Call me a Scrooge if you like, but when it comes to the holidays, I have a firm rule: I will not host Thanksgiving. Ever. The chaos of planning, navigating packed airports, and the mad rush of last-minute shopping isn’t my idea of a good time. Instead, I much prefer spending my holidays sipping mulled wine, cozying up at home, and avoiding the stress. In fact, I believe more people should say no to hosting Thanksgiving—and here’s why.
Hosting Thanksgiving: Not for Everyone
Let me take you back to last year’s Thanksgiving. A friend of mine decided to cook a turkey for her family. She thought she was doing everything right, putting the bird in the oven at 165 degrees—what she thought was the perfect cooking temperature. Unfortunately, that’s the internal temperature you aim for after the turkey is done, not the one you start with. After four hours, what emerged was a lukewarm, slightly raw bird.
For many, hosting Thanksgiving is a nightmare. And yet, year after year, people feel pressured to take on the role of host, even when they don’t want to. The good news? You don’t have to do it. There are plenty of alternatives, and sometimes, it’s better to let go of the tradition.
The Reddit Story: One Person Doing It All
Recently, a Reddit user shared a story that perfectly illustrates why it’s okay to say no to hosting. In the AITA (Am I the A-hole) thread, a user going by the name DogeCommanderRex shared their frustration. They’ve been hosting Thanksgiving every single year, with no help from the rest of their family. No one pitches in with cooking, cleaning, or even helping to cover the cost of all the food. Naturally, they felt overwhelmed.
When they suggested that maybe someone else take a turn hosting or that the family split the cost of catering, chaos ensued. “My siblings flipped out, complaining about how it’s ‘tradition’ for me to host,” they explained. The user’s mother even called them selfish, and their aunt accused them of ruining Thanksgiving for the kids, who supposedly love going to their house for the holiday.
Why You’re Not the Bad Guy for Saying No
This story resonated with many people, who quickly chimed in to support DogeCommanderRex. Most agreed that it was unfair for one person to shoulder the entire burden of hosting, year after year. Some shared their own Thanksgiving traditions, where responsibilities were divided among family members to make the day less stressful.
One user described how their mother-in-law took on the bulk of the cooking because she enjoyed it, but other family members helped out by bringing side dishes and cleaning up afterward. After the meal, the mother-in-law got to sit back and relax with a cold drink while the rest of the family handled the cleanup.
Another user shared a story about a family friend who hosted a huge year-end party every year, but one year, after she went back to school full-time, she asked for some help with the preparations. When she told a hired service what she usually did on her own, they were shocked. They said that at least two people would be needed to handle everything. She had been doing the work of two or more people for years, all by herself.
Sharing the Load: A Better Way to Celebrate
Of course, some people genuinely love hosting Thanksgiving. In some families, it’s even a point of pride. Take my family, for example. We’re a big, bustling group, and every year, the major holidays are up for grabs—Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve, and even Super Bowl Sunday (which we definitely treat like a holiday). The hosting duties are divided among my aunts, who each get to claim one holiday, but the key is that no one does it alone.
We make it a point to share the responsibilities. Whoever hosts might take on the main dishes like the turkey or ham, but everyone else brings side dishes, and yes, there’s always a quiet debate over who messed up the deviled eggs that year. It’s a balancing act, and it ensures that no one is stuck doing everything.
It’s Okay to Break Tradition
The pressure to stick to family traditions can be immense. But sometimes, those traditions become more of a burden than a joy. If hosting Thanksgiving is something you dread, it’s perfectly okay to say no. Your family might complain at first, but setting boundaries is important for your own sanity.
And if your family loves coming to your house for Thanksgiving, there are ways to make it work without doing it all by yourself. Consider catering part of the meal, having everyone bring a dish, or even rotating hosting duties among family members. There’s no rule that says Thanksgiving has to be a one-person show.
How to Say No to Hosting Thanksgiving
If you’re tired of being the go-to host, it’s time to start a conversation with your family. Here are a few tips for politely declining the hosting duties without causing too much drama:
- Be Honest: Let your family know that hosting is too much for you to handle alone. Be clear about how it affects your holiday experience and your stress levels.
- Suggest Alternatives: Offer other options, like catering, a potluck-style meal, or rotating who hosts each year. This way, you’re not just saying no—you’re offering a solution.
- Stand Your Ground: Some family members might push back, especially if hosting at your house has become a tradition. Be firm but polite in your response. Your mental and emotional well-being should come first.
When Hosting is Too Much
Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of gratitude and togetherness, but for many, it’s become a source of stress. If hosting the holiday feels overwhelming, know that it’s okay to step back and let someone else take the reins.
Your family might grumble at first, but ultimately, everyone will enjoy the holiday more if the work is shared. And who knows? You might just start a new tradition—one that involves less stress and more time for the things that really matter, like relaxing with loved ones and enjoying a good meal.
FAQs: How to Handle Thanksgiving Hosting Pressure
Q: Is it okay to say no to hosting Thanksgiving?
Absolutely! Hosting can be a huge responsibility, and if it’s too stressful, there’s no harm in passing the baton or suggesting alternatives like potlucks or catering.
Q: How do I tell my family I don’t want to host anymore?
Be honest and upfront. Explain how hosting affects you and offer other ways to celebrate that don’t require one person to do all the work.
Q: What are some alternatives to hosting Thanksgiving alone?
You can ask family members to bring dishes, share the cost of catering, or rotate hosting duties each year. It’s all about spreading the load.
Q: What if my family insists on tradition?
Traditions can change, and sometimes they need to. Explain that you value family time but need to make adjustments for your own well-being.